One thing about me is I loveeee my birthday. There’s no shying away from mentioning “oh that’s my birthday” whenever May 1 is mentioned. I make sure everyone knows its coming. It might seem obnoxious, but I really don’t care. As the 3rd of 4 kids, my birthday always felt like my one opportunity to be the center of attention. I was never the smartest sibling, the most athletic (clearly), or the most creative. I am a classic middle. Kinda just there. Never needing too much attention. Which may be why I became such a hypochondriac but that’s not relevant to this post. I am a birthday girl.
I was excited for my 30th, because it’s a big one. I didn’t realize how much it would make me reflect. Turning 30 is a big deal. Many say it’s the best decade of your life, which I am all for. My 20s were full of life altering challenges. Bad breakups, an assault, the pandemic, a lot of loss and obviously the most life altering- my diagnosis
The past few weeks I reflected on the fact that my life is nothing like I would have expected. If you had asked me what I would be doing 10 years from now on my 20th birthday. I probably would have said married with a kid, nice house with a big yard, thriving as a teacher. By 25 I realized that was not gunna happen, nor was it what I wanted anymore. But even at 25, I never could have pictured my life now. Chronic illness is scary like that. It’s not something you picture when you imagine your future. Sure, at 25 I knew I had endometriosis, but 1 in 10 women do. I didn’t realize the impact that diagnosis would have on my quality of life. I couldn’t have imagined I would have another life changing diagnosis added to my medical chart.
I share a lot about how MS has made my life challenging. It’s something I have to live with every single day and I have to face those challenges more than I would like. But MS has also made me more future focused. I make choices now that will benefit me in my next decade. I try not to take the small things for granted. I do not prioritize my job over my overall well being, because we should not live to work, no matter how rewarding that job might be. I try to be more grateful for the little moments that bring me joy. I have many days that I let my past experiences and challenges bring me down, but I always at least try to reframe my thinking.
My birthday this year brought me everything I could have wanted, even though it was so different than 20 year old me thought it would be. There was no huge bash, but instead a chill evening with my family and best friends. Despite spending my actual birthday in bed with crippling fatigue and endo symptoms, I enjoyed it. I had John and Winston by my side all day, got to watch my favorite shows and had my current favorite food- an açaí bowl- for lunch. I was able to get outta bed to enjoy a dinner with my boyfriend, parents, and little brother, ending with a delicious gluten free brownie sundae. When I returned to work on May 2nd I had cards on my desk from my students and an amazing drawing of Winston from a coworker. My friends got together again on Saturday to take a sip and script class, ending my “birthday week” with laughs, a glass of wine, and a craft- another one of my favorite things.
I’m entering this new decade not where I imagined I’d be and I’m so grateful for that. I am grateful for everything I have. My boyfriend, family, Winston, kind coworkers, and the best friends.
I’m looking forward to putting my health first this decade, and hoping for fewer life altering challenges. Im looking forward to thriving, not just surviving. Here’s to making my 30’s my best decade yet.